Do you ever feel a little trampled by trials? I do. Sometimes it feels like I am trying to live while waiting for the next issue to show itself. I am very prone to depression when the things are piling up but God has really been showing me His goodness and mercy. He knows right when I need an obvious "God thing" as we say right in front of me. I know he is constantly at work even when I can't see it but lately He has been very generous with the obvious things. I have been incredibly blessed by these glimpses and I fully believe they are why I am not depressed right now. God's arms of protection are not letting satan grab hold. Yes, I have my moments of discouragement but if I keep myself God focused satan looses.
For example: with this spider bite I had, I didn't notice it until 8pm where urgent cares are closed and I went back and forth in my head on whether to find a 24 hour one but God was just prompting me to go. I found one 24 hour one about 20 minutes away so I gathered my things and I went to leave and my dad was like wow you are really going to drive all the way out there and I said something just doesn't feel right. I got in fairly quickly and it is almost unheard of for an actual surgeon to work at an urgent care but there was. God prompted and led me there, the doctor took one look at it and saw fang marks and knew it was a brown recluse bite right off the bat. He told me that I am so "lucky" I came in when I did because if I would have waited until morning I would have a giant hole in my arm. Again, God's prompting. In my case it was extra concerning because I'm immunocompromised. He had to make an incision and flush out the spot and remove some fat cells that had already died off and put me on really strong antibiotics. It is healing well now. God led me to go in the first place and then provided an actual surgeon who really knew what he was talking about to treat me. By the way, it is mostly healed, I had to go back to the urgent care at one point because it was spreading from being infected but my course of antibiotics just had to take a little longer to work and they did.
Another thing was I was scrolling through a P.O.T.S forum and I heard that mercy now has a new headache clinic and they have a couple of neurologists that specialize in P.O.T.S migraines! For about a year I have had either a headache or migraine 24/7. It never leaves. ever. I was able to get a referral and was accepted as a patient, I am so excited that they can most likely help me! I was also able to get in so soon, my appointment is this Friday! God is so good to reveal this opening to me, I didn't even know it was a thing.
PRAYER REQUEST: My next hurdle is my port not functioning quite right. We tried a medication that sits in there and breaks things down that could be blocking the line and it did not work so I go on Wednesday for a dye study to see why it is very hard to flush anything through it. My vascular system is faulty and the thing is the veins and such that they pass the lines through collapse after they have been messed with so I was told last time that if this one goes out my only option is a semi-risky surgery at big barnes, under general anesthesia and they have no guarantee that it would successful or not, my veins are just collapsed and practically useless for this purpose. I will have to make a big decision to make at that point so please pray for wisdom all around doctors, me, my family, it is nothing to be taken lightly.
This is a rough season of what feels like one thing after another however I have been convicted of looking at all of it through my sin lens and not through the lens of the loving, merciful and powerful God that renews our souls and makes all things new, He is the only one that can do that despite my challenges, He is doing restoration in and through my life. He can put the pieces of my heart back together again every time it falls apart. (which lets be honest it's at least a once a day situation over here)
Only You can bring such beauty from the depths of all my pain
Only You can take this shattered heart and make it beat again
Oh, You hold us all together in Your hands
