So, if you have been following my recent escapades you will see that life isn't exactly going like I want it to. It's a whirlwind of one thing after another and another and another. This is no exception. For the last week or so one of my biggest fears is going down- port problems. There are so many things that this means but I will try to lay out for you the main things.
So what we are dealing with here is the my port is having issues with "blood return". The good thing is that at this point I can still put fluids and medications into it but it doesn't want to let blood come back up through it like it should, I can get it on an intermittent basis. I have also noticed it has been a little hard to flush meaning when I try to put things through it I have to push harder on the syringe than I should have to.
That's the issue, the cause is unknown, it could be a clot somewhere in the line that just needs a special medication to break it up or it could be that tissue is growing over the bottom of the line slowly closing it off and eventually the port will cease to function in any capacity. I am praying for the first option but I am leaning towards it being the second thing based on how it is acting. The only way to know for sure is having a dye study done at Barnes where they put dye in it and on the screen instantly watch where it goes.
If it is the tissue growing the only option is to replace it, here lies my biggest problem. My vascular system is all kinds of a mess so I have had 5 ports now, switching between each side of my chest because my veins like to collapse and become unusable. Due to this they have to find other ways to thread the catheter to my heart and so far have managed to make it work with great difficulty but at this point after they put in the last one that took 3 hours, I was told they no longer can put new ones in because everything is collapsed. I overheard a doctor during my last placement mentioning something about putting it in my hip or leg but after speaking to a couple medical people they have never heard of that being done like that so, I really don't know if that is even possible.
I am waiting to hear back from one of my doctors on if I can try the clot busting medicine from home first before going through the Barnes ordeal. I am going to be honest here guys, I am scared. I might be "strong" and don't usually worry about it but this situation is different because there is a distinct possibility that I might not be able to have a port at all. Which would mean no more fluids and despite the fact that my blood pressures had been stabilizing my nurse said it's starting to decline more than she's seen in awhile and without the fluids she thinks things will only get worse. Also, without the port that medication I have done recently will no longer be possible.
Fear. I am scared to have to go to barnes because as of now nobody could come with me, I would be dropped off at the front, I have to call and see how it works when you are in a wheelchair, I don't know if they have transport people that will take me where I need to go or how that goes down but yeah, dropped off and picked up at the front whenever everything is done. I will not be able to have anybody be with me, it makes it worse that I am more anxious about this dye study than I have ever been and not having anybody with me when I get "the news" about the port is hard. Just going through all of it alone is scary
I am trying to hold fast and just trust God. I know He's got this all figured out and He will be with me even if nobody else can be, it's so hard but I don't have control over anything but He does and He is faithful so I just have to cling to these things I know and take comfort in it.
Hebrews 10:23
let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful
