I would really be ok with this day ending right now. Sometimes I just feel so lost, discouraged, and helpless. My doctors aren't really sure what to do with me, I am not getting any energy back from my virus's and pulmonary embolism thus leaving me bed bound most of the time. I have a cough that makes it hard to sleep and the doctors are clueless as to why, they are also clueless as to why my EKG changed and what it means so they just send me to other doctors to get me off their hands. I have had heart palpitations and extreme pulse levels (160) when I walk up stairs lately and my cardiologist says it really needs to be dealt with by an electrophysiologist. Mine moved and I can't see the new one until the 24th. My nurse was here changing my port needle and she asked me who we would call about it all and I don't even know. I have a ton of specialists but the one who could really help is out of town until next week sooo basically no one would know what to do since it is so complex.
I am feeling so lost and discouraged today, I don't want to live like this anymore but that's not my call. There is a reason the call-maker has me battling this so now I am going back to head knowledge. God didn't allow this in vain, He didn't leave me, He has a plan, He is my creator, He loves me, all this I know and I am clinging to it because my heart is not in the same place. I just have to tell myself all of the truths all the time cause Satan comes up with some crazy stuff.
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