new doctors. more detailed information

New doctors are always a good time. The minute this doctor reviewed my ENTIRE case (after I left the office) he called and said he is 100% sure that it is autoimmune because I had been fighting an upper respiratory issue when I got sick and my body just never stopped fighting it. I am now on immune suppressant medications and given my history I have to wear a mask if there is a lot of people in a small area. Even better times.

Here is my current situation: I NEED IVIG in order to get better but the insurance does not want to cover it. Please Pray hard that my skills in working the system get me somewhere. The doctor is going to try to get it covered, I am writing a letter and sending a list of EVERYTHING I tried and how this is my last option as well as attempting (prayer #2) to get my other docs to send something in as well.


Everything has to be difficult when it comes to me but I appreciate your prayers more than you will ever know. I cherish them and I know God is listening. Of course please pray for approval but also for my mental health if this doesn't get covered, I can already tell how hard that would be for me. I just want someone to help. I'm tired and I long for something, anything that will help and I don't want to be crushed ( If it goes bad I probably will anyway. Lord Jesus come quickly.) I'm a mess and need Jesus so please say a prayer for all of this crazy stuff but mostly for my soul.

Thy will be done

Surrendering to God's will is so incredibly hard. I want HIS plan for my life, not mine because He promises this and I want this.

I want His will to be done BUT of course not THIS will that's unfolding. As if I could pick things out of God's will that I don't want. I try and fail but keep trying anyway. A future and a hope is exactly what I need but I don't  want these blessings to come from sleepless nights and tears.



We are blessed for God's grace. When we doubt His plans, His will for us, His mercy and His response is to extend us infinite GRACE. This goes against everything we know and can fathom. Grace is Jesus's biggest blessing. He died so we could have a future and a hope. That future and hope that I try to pick apart in sin. Satan does have power and I think we forget this because we are so focused on the mightier power of God.


Satan makes us want to pull apart wills and our lives and sits there feeding us lies about God's plan for us and our needs and desires that we all will succumb to at one point in life. Probably multiple times. He will use all of his power to try to stop us from surrendering to "thy will be done." and he is good at it. Really good. I'm stubborn and I struggle with this.


I want the benefits of Thy will without the work. I want to bypass the hurt, pain, and feelings that God uses to get us to surrender. Can't we just skip the pain here God?



Obviously not. Lord come quickly. This is not my home.