crushed, scared, helpless

for those that have been following my messy life, I wanted to update you on my situation.

My current palliative care service all of a sudden said that they will not be giving me any more pain medications because the  medical director physician changed his mind on giving me anything since my pain can't be proven (INVISIBLE ILLNESS PEOPLE ARE UNABLE TO GET HELP I GUESS) so the FDA "could"  look into it and the doctor does not believe my symptoms are that bad and require palliative care. pffttt

 (I don't get why this is happening right now considering they have been prescribing it for months) 

They tried to pawn it off on my primary but get this. MY PRIMARY IS WHY WE DID PALLITATIVE CARE IN THE FIRST PLACE SO I CAN GET HELP WITH PAIN AND OTHER VARIOUS THINGS.

I just spoke with the primary and it is true he will not fill anything because palliative is supposed to do it. That's why he sent me to them in the first place.

PROBLEM: the "comfort measures" aren't happening anymore so I have nothing to take for the severe migraines and other things. Everything was  ripped away from me and unfortunately without home meds it is very likely I will have to start going to ER's and having hospital stays for pain control all over again like I had to do in the past. I don't want to go through that again. Like really don't want to do that.

My last resort is a longshot but we are going to try it anyway. I am switching companies and going to SSM palliative care to see if they can help and are willing. My primary is sending a referral and I ask you to pray that it gets done in a timely fashion and the big prayer request is THAT THEY WILL ACCEPT MY CASE AND SEE THE NEED.

words cannot describe how I feel right now. I have been fighting this disease for almost 5 years now and I am tired. I am tired of the "I can't help you" answers, I am tired of feeling like a drug seeker asking for medications, I am tired of nobody believing my symptoms are bad because they can't see them, I am tired of being pawned from doctor to doctor, I am tired of having to rely on everyone for everything and so much more. I need all the prayers I can get.