"busy people topic" turned testimony? yup.

***I didn't intend to share my testimony, I was on a whole other topic but words flowed and here we are.*****

Back in high school I was just going through the motions of the typical kid that hated school and had a social life going on. It was normal until one day I was hit with crippling abdominal pain. I saw so many doctors and the ER trips seemed endless just like the pain. I was finally diagnosed with iliohypogastric neuralgia and spent two years in pain, having surgeries and procedures and had several nearly fatal infections. I had to drop out of school and suddenly nothing became normal. I got defeated and spent some time in a psych ward and I gave up on the God I grew up hearing about. It was incredibly hard. Then one day I end up in a coma from multiple organ failure. When I woke up my body had kind of re-booted and my earlier health issues improved, I had to deal with memory loss for months but when that went away I could start life over. I also found God again because this coma at the time seemed like it was the worst thing that could ever happen but the opposite thing happened, it gave me a second chance. Only God can pull off something like that. My faith began to heal just like the rest of me.

I went to college, got a job, got a reliable car and was living in a rental house. I thought my past was behind me and I would never have to go there again. Things were going well but I fell into the rut of replacing God with the things I mentioned above. I let the business of life take over my relationship with God. I lived that for 3 years loosing site of the miracle He did. I got a severe cold that would not go away. Doctors couldn't figure it out but it put me out of work for 2 months but I got to the point where if I didn't go back I would be fired so I dragged myself into work but 3 days in I had a bad seizure that has changed my life forever. I lost my job, I had to have my parents pay my bills it seemed like my life was unraveling. I then began passing out up to 20 times per day and my doctors were clueless. I had to go back the things I left behind and it broke me.. I had to make the choice of going forward with or without Him.

I didn't know what laid ahead for me but I did know that I couldn't do this without Him this time. It took about 2 months for me to find my diagnosis but when I got it I learned that it doesn't have a cure and it's all about symptom control. I was taking 10 different medications a day and had a surgery to have a port placed so I could begin daily hydration infusions just in an attempt to keep my blood pressure up. My central nervous system is in failure and basically all the  things your body does that you do not have control over doesn't happen. Blood pressure, heart rate, breathing all of those things you don't have to think about because your body just does it. Mine doesn't. It effects everything.

I have had so many complications to add to it.. my legs became riddled with blood clots. A clot broke loose and went into my lung causing a potentially fatal pulmonary embolism, I have had several more seizures, I am left with a feeding tube after loosing nearly 100 pounds from nausea and vomiting, when I go places I am often wheelchair bound so I don't injure myself passing out and I'm often bed bound. Coping with this has been so hard because without another miracle my case is so severe they say I could be like this forever. The normal things like marriage and kids feels like crushed dreams.The one and only thing that gets me through every minute of everyday is Jesus. Without His promises I have no hope. He could do another miracle but He may not the only thing I am certain about is that He is here with me through every step...holding me when I need held, protecting me when I need protected and loving me with a love I can't fathom. I feel alone and sad at times but through this second rodeo of fighting for my life I have learned that God doesn't give up even when I do, He lifts me up when I am down and I can't imagine trying to do this AGAIN by myself.

I wanna cling to You Jesus
hanging on your every breath

I need to hear You now
I need to know it's You
I'm standing on your promises
I know your Words are true
You're bigger than what I see
That it's You in exchange for me
'Cause even the impossible is your reality
Jesus I believe- big daddy weave