Summer has always been my favorite season. I would spend hours on an inflatable boat with a trolling motor on the river soaking up the sun and just spending time in God's creation. Being out on or in the water was my happy place. Just being in the outdoors exploring new places and having fun. It will be almost 5 years since my last vacation with the BFF. We rented a cabin on the lake, spent our days going on safari's and exploring the land and probably my favorite part was when the sun went down we found a dock to sit at, with our feet in the water just talking away.
Being in the middle of nowhere on a dock and all you could hear was fish jumping, birds chirping and what had to be an army of cicadas making a variety of sounds . I took in every second of the peace and quiet, it's memories I will never forget.
When I got sick every aspect of my life changed.. This disease has taken almost everything from me. All of those things that I loved I can no longer do and might never be able to do again with every summer bringing harsh reminders of that. Summer has become my depression season. I want what my life used to be more than I could even explain but it's gone without divine intervention.
Grief waxes and wanes but it doesn't go away. I battle the desire to lean on my own understanding (which is nothing) and loose site of hope. I have been really working on surrendering this to Jesus and leaning on His promises instead of my understanding. I am so thankful that God meets me where I am. broken.
right now I have to focus myself on what God promised me even though it may not look like what I expected it's still truth. There is a plan in all of this.
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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