CRISIS

I am something. I don't even know what. I know everything is in God's hands  where it should be but it FEELS like my whole world just crashed in on me. My worst case scenario is actually playing out and I am crumbling. As of this morning I was fired from home health due to a medication discrepancy. Home IV's? gone. home nursing? gone. Port access outside of a hospital? gone. It's all gone. Every part of me wants to throw my hands up and give up but I am well aware that is not an option. I'm fighting every second of everyday and sometimes things like this happen and it boils over and I feel lost and 100 percent helpless to do anything but watch it fall apart in like slow motion. AGAIN. For the 5,000th time.

*the problem lies in a miscommunication on medications from  both parties*


Going forward,
1. I have to let God in and guide me as I try to find a new home health care agency that is willing to do things the way my doctor wants. I have been told the odds of finding that are slim to none.

2. I could go back to the clinic 3 days a week for 3-4 hour infusions but due to the nature of the problem my doctor and staff are completely not happy people about everything and just the thought of stepping foot in there makes me want to cry and run away.

3.Done. I'm just over it, everything. I have no desire to even deal with this at all.  Literally Jesus take the wheel here because I can't. I CAN'T.


4.My doctor could easily try to blame this on any number of my medications and take them away.