re-realize

It is kind of weird how most of the time I go about my days doing what I have to do without thinking too much about my entire situation but more so how to get through that day without causing myself unnecessary CNS dysfunction symptoms but at random times I will all of a sudden re-realize my entire situation and how much my life changed all from one day. This can lead to reflective thoughts (like now) or complete emotional breakdowns depending on how sick I am feeling at the time. I have had a harder time coping with the entire thing in the last month and a half and despite an upped dose of depression/anxiety medications I knew I needed more so I had my first visit with my new therapist at hope crossing christian counseling yesterday, it took 2 hours to get through the intro to my life but she seems to really get it and she has already begun to teach me via pressure points ways to relax. I don't want to just go into a room and talk and walk out because you can do that for a lifetime; it is the coping skills that I want to take with me that I can use outside of her office that will make the difference. So, I feel good about that....despite my life being compared to Job, not like I haven't heard it or said it before!


Monday is dauntingly sitting in the back of my mind as that will be my first day of PT. My electrophysiologist told me from the beginning that they are going to swing the pendulum of each little portion of my CNS, one at a time way out and then try to re-align it at each visit and the goal is to get one part to swing out and then re-align fairly quickly before moving onto the next section. When I swing it out even a small amount I feel sick so my doctor has told me that it will make me really sick because they are going to push it out farther then I have done yet. I have some preventative meds and some meds for afterwards but they can only go so far, we will rotate zofran and compazine and take some before as a preventative measure and my heart and BP meds might need adjusted during this time as well. I will have to suck up my throat burning in order to drink gatorade because my body won't manage my electrolytes during this time and I will have to provide them. My IV fluids will most likely need increased due to nausea and just the PT itself. So, I am nervous about going and I have been stalling since February so I can't stall anymore I have to just go for it because I can't stay where I am at, moving forward whether it sounds fun or not is my only option and all I can say is that I am so thankful to have God who will probably have to carry me through these times ahead but I know He will as long as I step out in faith He won't let me go so this is what I am trying to find comfort in as I prepare for this next battle.