waking up

This road that I never asked or imagined I would be on is getting long and tiring. December 18th of 2013 changed my life forever with no warning. God doesn't always gives us warnings but He does walk through it with us. The worst part of everyday is waking up. Waking to face the full reality that you are still sick and can hardly walk hits like a ton of bricks. You wake up not knowing if you will have a better day, or a day filled with light headedness, nausea, shaking and my newest and scariest thing of will I have a seizure. The unpredictability of everyday is exhausting and takes an emotional toll on you. This week has been rough (rain does NOT help FYI) I am worn down and so tired of literally having to fight for my life every single day with a conscious effort.

I have really been thinking about and missing my "old" life and everything I used to be able to do that I can't anymore and the list would be a 30 page document. Simply getting out of bed at all in the course of a day is a challenge. As I work through the emotions that tag along for the ride, I am trying to be thankful for what I do have and stop dwelling on everything I don't. It happened, it's over, looking back does not get me anywhere so I am pushing through each day the best I can and trying to be thankful, not bitter. I have no idea what each day of waking up will bring but I can say I can do it if God is with me. Hard but possible.