update

 I feel like my head is spinning whenever I go to update this thing. Sometimes I feel like I am just stumbling through everyday life in a haze. A song came on the radio the other day that gave me a reality check to digest. . Here is some of the lyrics you can youtube if you want to hear it all.

I need to hear You now
I need to know it's You
I'm standing on Your promises
I know Your Word is true
You're bigger than what I see
It's You in exchange for me
'Cause even the impossible can be reality
 I wanna cling to You Jesus
 hanging on your every breath
So let Your kingdom come
And let Your will be done
Here on the earth
Just like it is in heaven
God let Your kingdom come
Help my unbelief God
Jesus I believe - big daddy weave jesus I believe

Jesus is big enough to handle all of my life.

The life I always imagined with all of my hopes and dreams fulfilled does not look like this. Turning 26 set off my depression and began my haze of discontentment. I know I don't need any of that to be happy but I struggle with putting my life and my purpose in God's hands. I don't know why God is allowing me to go through all of this pain with what feels like one blow after the next but He is and He is God and His plan will always be for my good and His glory even though to me it feels like it's falling apart.

Nothing falls apart in the hands of the one who created you. With God even the impossible can be reality. The impossible feeling I have when I begin to feel like I am hopeless and I will never get better and life sucks is not real. It's a real feeling but not a fact, Satan is really good at getting us to blend the two of those. Once blended they often lead to despair because I have lost my focus on facts. The fact is I can only find complete happiness and contentment in Jesus. I will not find it in a certain doctor, a certain treatment, a family of my own or even in complete healing. If God healed me right now I can say in honesty I would still be unhappy and discontent. Help my unbelief God. Help me believe you are my life, my all, everything I could ever dream of, every bit of my happiness, and my hope. All I could ever imagine. Help me.