How am I really doing overall? praises and prayer requests

I feel like I haven't been giving proper overall updates. So, it's a weird spot for me right now with many different angles but I will try to explain the best I can.

Let's start on the miracles. My body is re-conditioning itself which means it is beginning to compensate for itself when I change posture. My blood pressure will still drop but usually not to where I pass out. It's a rarity now that a pass out occurs! Miracle! On that compensation thing my heart rate is still unstable and all over the map. Normal at times, other times it's really high at like 140-150 which does cause it's own set of issues. I will explain in a second but we are focusing on the good currently. I have even been able to drive again! HUGE MIRACLES. Healing is actually happening after 7 years!

now onto the fact of healing not healed. My heart rate issue I mentioned can wreak a lot of havoc and is so 100% unpredictable. Minute by minute. That havoc is my biggest struggle physically, mentally, and spiritually. Physically it gives me migraines that are so so hard to get under control. I'm going on week 3 of one straight where with powerful medications my pain levels go up and down but it's always lurking. It takes it's toll and is debilitating at times. It also creates dizzy spells which are fun. I just get overwhelmed and discouraged SO FAST.

Mentally, This may be hard to wrap your brain around. Believe me I am absolutely thankful for God's mercy getting me to where I am now but as weird as it sounds healing is very hard.  I have adjusted over 7 years to accept my syndrome and learned to live with it. Knowing that there isn't a cure and as doctor's say I am at a higher risk for "relapsing" due to the severity of the situation sticks in the back of my mind trying to steal my joy.  Let's be honest here being a normal person is terrifying to me. I don't know how anymore and I am living in limbo land unsure of how much my body can actually do. (remember: healING not healED) Can I even manage a job with my debilitating days thrown in? Can I return to working in healthcare which is all I have EVER wanted to do and love? Is my shakiness of unknown origin going to prevent me from drawing blood or starting IV's? Can I do any job and still have my port and work out making sure I can still do infusions? The list of my questions could carry on forever. So much stuff that I have a tendency to overwhelm really quickly forgetting that the power of Jesus reigns over all of this. 

 Yes, God is changing my life but in my sin I struggle with where the line is between such thankfulness and that not being enough because I am not healed where I want to be. Why do I doubt that God has this and I don't need it? Why do I doubt Him and perfect his plan for me when He has pulled me through so very much before? it's not like He can't do it again. Why do I question and worry about anything at all when I know that God has promises me a hope and a future?

Jeremiah 29:11 11For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I heard this song and couldn't help but reflect on my unbelief. Lord help me with my lack of faith and let go and put everything where it belongs- in Jesus hands because He has already given me everything I need and it's enough. It's enough.