One of these days my blogs will not involve me complaining but that is not today. The cats that run my household are forced to live with me all day every day in confinement. They love me though. That's what I tell myself anyway. I sound more crazy the more I type about cats so I will move onto the real reason for this post.
New realities are hitting me every day. Today I had a mini mental breakdown due to the fact that I can't walk to the bathroom and breathe at the same time. I can't do anything and breathe simultaneously. I can hear my heart beat at ALL times and when I am standing or walking I can feel it and hear it. In a weird way that is hard to explain it makes you think you are dying. I know I am not but it just feels weird.
Within 15 minutes of sitting straight up a sudden feeling of severe fatigue comes over me. Have you ever been so tired that your muscles hurt and they feel like they won't support you anymore? That kind of fatigue hits me like a brick and I have to lay down or I will feel lightheaded and collapse. It is a sense of tiredness that I have not experienced since my coma back in 2009.
Yeah, so today I have been an emotional basket case realizing how pathetic and weak I have become and longing to be able to go to the gym and work out.I feel much better now though since I'm a daddy's girl and he held me while we watched the crazy people on american idol. Love him and the support I get from him when I have a bad day and get tired of my everyday challenges. He also leads me to God every time and tries to point me in the right direction and for that I am blessed. Some days suck but tomorrow is a new day and I plan on really focusing on God and finding joy even while laying in bed all the time.
On an unrelated note, people are super weird. I am watching the tlc show called my strange addiction and this guy is legit in an intimate relationship with his car. Yes, his car. He kisses it and calls it baby and takes it on dates and says he love her and does other things with it. Sometimes the lack of intelligence in some people is truly amazing.
Im truly glad someone else hears their heartbeat like i do. But we need to find a cure, something. Eventually it will lead you to insanity, and bring you down. Being half deaf is no fun.
ReplyDeleteI think I am already at the point of insanity lol You should know that! I feel like that was established when I started having legit conversations with Henry and began being a pedophile. (I had to google how to spell that correctly AGAIN. I just can't quite get that word down.) Inside joke parental units. Inside joke. AGREED though this drives me crazy! It's only my left ear so it's extra weird.
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