life is hard but blessings abound

It just sunk in today that what I had could have killed me. This might be number 20 times that God has chosen not to bring me home yet. I get close and God says nope not yet, I am not done with you. Countless times. I don't know what His plan is for me and why this had to be apart of it. Close to My whole life I have had to rely on God to save me from situations that look like I might go to Jesus but He is all powerful and pulled me through every time.

I feel God's blessings for allowing me to stay on this earth and saving me. I was just reminded of this as I had a pulmonary embolism which can and more often than not is fatal but God allowed it to be in my lower lung where less damage occurs. Yes, I was very sick with low oxygen and blood pressures but you know what? He saved me again. I have had a lot of complications but none of them were as serious as they could have been and usually are but Once again God.

Being alive is a blessing we take for granted but nobody is guaranteed anything. This current journey is way harder than I let on. I try to be positive when inside I am crumbling. Right now I am gathering the crumbles and preparing for my next fight. life looks a thousand times different than it used to and I am still trying to accept that but I know God allowed it so HE HAS A PLAN. This would be so much worse if we suffered in vain and that this earth is all there is. Devastating. Thanks to the good Lord, one day all afflictions will be gone and I will be in my forever home. Getting to see why everything happened and how everything connects, I know it will all make sense but it sure doesn't right now!

I'm going to be vulnerable in saying mentally and emotionally I am struggling to accept and cope that this is my life and most of the things I used to do for fun have been stripped away. Fun is different now, I can have fun but it's not true fun because there is always a symptom going on that I am pushing through and trying to hide. Having said all that guys I AM ALIVE and that is hard at times because of medical crisis but I am here and Jesus's plan is still rolling right along and He is there to comfort me on it as we go.