pity party

I am letting myself have a pity party today. I have only left my bed a few times. I am weak and don't have it together at all. Somedays are just like that. I am worn down physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am being blunt about it because people don't share there true feelings much. They keep them hidden. I have no problem saying I am struggling through life right now. It is just hard to keep going after months and months of vomiting and dealing with 2 heart conditions and a failing nervous system. I don't always have it together and I get the "your so strong" phrase said to me a lot. Well, guess what I am not. I let myself have a self pity day because I couldn't handle trying to be cheerful anymore. I have had enough of my illnesses and the doctors and the medications. So, for those of you that tell me I am strong and I handle things so well, let me just say I don't. Life is so hard BUT I will say that God is watching over me in my best of times and my worst of times and for that I am thankful, it gives me reason to live and press on even when I want to curl up n a ball and be woken up when I am healed. Life doesn't work like that. This isn't my most cheerful post but it is how I feel right now.