My current situation is bringing back a lot of my memories from the 2 years I spent on and off at Children's hospital. Some are good memories like American idol sock version or the time when everyone in youth group attached hand cut outs through yarn so I could hang it up around me and be surrounded by everyone or me being a stop for fast food frenzy and having like 3 shakes as a result. Chatham youth group was such a blessing, making me feel included all the time. It was a very special group of people that brought joy even on the bad days. As everyone graduates college and gets jobs a lot is changing and has been for awhile. I was always reminded that friends will come and go the older you get; friendship becomes harder to maintain as people drift in and out.
Memories of how things used to be become special. I had a lot of bad times as well and the struggle for treatments has always existed in my life. God obviously has a plan for my life given I was a little over a pound at birth and I have come really close to death on multiple occasions but He is choosing to keep me around for a purpose. Granted, I really don't understand why I am having to face these health issues right now and I was naïve to think it was all said and done back in 2010. Note to self: don't assume cause you are only walking the road but God is placing it. I don't know why I have to take this fork in the road but I am comforted to know God has my life in His hands even when I don't feel like it.
Currently some past bad memories are haunting me and trying to discourage me and I have to be honest, right now they are succeeding. It is so hard to be in this place again and no end in my direct vision. I don't want to face this again and have to give up years of life in the fight again. My mind falls to what I "should" be doing right now such as working, dating, and just having fun and enjoying my 20's with work on the side. I can't even explain how I feel right now about this whole situation. I know God has it but I sure don't feel like it right now. I'm worn and confused but God never said it would be easy and trials build trust so you would think I should be the most God-trusting person but it doesn't work like that. It's a battle. A hard battle but if nothing else I have heaven to look forward to when this life is over and I will finally be healthy.
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