control

I really struggle with trust in Jesus because let's be honest, I don't like not being in control. God is teaching me how to be still and trust that He has it all worked out. I can just sit back and watch it happen but I don't, instead I try to cut Jesus out and do it myself. With this disease I have absolutely no control over any of it's systems and I have had to learn to accept this fact all while knowing it is in my fathers arms. Here is a brief list of the things that should work correctly but don't:

I am accepting I can not do anything to solve the problems that arise in the different systems of my body. I think this is probably the best way that I will learn to trust in Jesus because man cannot cure this and I have nothing. I can't do anything about it when my heart rate is 130 and I can't breathe. There are so many things this controls that I am slowly giving it up to God because I realize how helpless I really am. Jesus created me and if it is His will He will put me back together again but if not I am in the middle of a hard reality check.

Please pray for my trust to be restored and that I will look to Him instead of my frail self. Yes, as I have been told I do have faith in Jesus even through all of this but trust and faith are two very different things and I pray that my trust will be restored and that I can and will let go of all of this with the realization that my savior will work everything out according to His plan.