faith

Trusting God when the miracle does not come, when the urgent prayer gets no answer, when there is only darkness, this is the kind of faith God values perhaps most often, this is the kind of faith that can be developed and displayed only in the midst of difficult circumstances. This is the kind of faith that cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken already- Nancy Guthrie

This week has been so hard and at times I just want to give up and let my body malfunction and do nothing about it. The central nervous system controls everything which includes the amount of adrenaline it flings around causing my body to go into "fight or flight' mode over absolutely nothing. It ends in panic attacks from so much adrenaline and just all around one of the worst feelings. You literally feel like you are dying. If you have never had a legit panic attack then it is easy to say "well, just stop thinking that way" and other blah blah blah things I tune out. We are not talking a general anxiety here but a full blown attack that leaves me debilitated and unable to even think or move and leaves me in a fetal position in tears for relief.. It is all consuming. Those who have truly felt and gone through this know it stops life in it's tracks. Frozen for no rational reason.

While this horror has basically described my life for the last week and I am wearing out. The attacks have lasted for a minimum of 2 hours but more like 4-6 hours in a fetal position on my bed while trying not to puke. As I am sure you can imagine how hard this week has been considering the above scenario has occurred all day and all week. I came across this quote again and got a good dose of reality check. God is good. All the time.