new life

At one point in my life I had my life "planned out" but this disease has a way of taking one thing at a time from you and there is nothing you can do about it. Social life, job, friends, rental house, standing up, walking, driving, diet, and more. There is only one thing that is the same as it was prior to my seizure, God. This new life that I am trying to accept is not an easy one and I am learning how important the fact that God doesn't change in this journey that is filled with things unknown and paths less traveled. I wish I could say that I cling to God and rely on Him for everything but to be honest I struggle with that. Letting go of what I thought my life would look like and surrendering to what God has planned for me instead is not easy. I always thought that by the time I was 24 I would be a stay at home mom, ex-nurse, and living out all the desires of my heart. Perfect little package. I'm 23 now and I am nowhere close to any of this.

I have no clue what God is doing with me and what HIS plan looks like; I know He listens to my hopes, wishes, and desires even if they are not in His plan. Growing up I heard that He grants us the desire of our heart and assumed that since God gave me such a desire for a family of my own and a longing to work in the medical field and help others that my life would look like the scenario above. I realized that maybe I might be taking that wrong when I pondered why my life is what it is today; what if MY version of desires isn't what God means when He says that? He never says that on this earth we will get the "perfect package" that is built off of our wants. He does promise that He will never leave or forsake and for now I am working on accepting my new life and learning how to trust Him no matter what life holds and watching to see what He chooses to do.