Given the course of my life as a whole I know it is surprising to some to hear that I get frustrated by the medical field a lot but not as fearful as one would expect. I tend to just smile and roll through it, knowing God placed me there so that I can get help. God knew what I would face and allowed me to have no fear of the medical field or needles or anything related to medicine.
My tremors and speech issues are really bad tonight and I am scared. I have had brain damage in my past and although this doesn't compare to the seriousness of that one, the reality and memories of that fear and frustration come rushing back and it is scary. I tend to go right on through all of my other issues with frustration but not fear. This is different. I never know when a tremor is going to hit, when my face will twitch,when my hands will drop whatever I am holding because of a lack of grasping ability, when the wrong word is going to come out of my mouth even though I know what I want to say, when I am going to stutter or maybe all three together and it is scary. Brain issues have so many impacts on the body both short term and long term. Pray with me it is short term and they cam come to a diagnosis and treatment in a timely fashion and for peace while I wait. My appointment is 9am on Thursday.
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