What it means to be "alive"

The last couple of weeks have been exhausting. It has been filled with days spent just barely getting by. I almost passed out and then spent a good 6 hours in the ER just to get a chest x ray and some blood tests done, by the time I got to see the doctor my vitals had mostly stabilized thus making the day feel pointless. I feel trapped in my own body, I am stuck in this state of nervous system failure with no "cure" in site and unless God does a miracle, I think that I will have it forever. God does do miracles and that I know VERY well. Doesn't mean He will heal me but He is the giver of life so He can do whatever He wants.

I am very thankful for this beautiful weather but I have to say it makes the reality of my situation hits me when I think back to when I could go for walks outside, go on vacations, work out, and just everything that I used to love doing in the nice weather. I can't do it anymore. I have been feeling like a vegetable lately. Stuck in my bed and unable to get up makes me feel a little useless, like I am really not a productive member of society. God has been teaching me what being "alive" means; so much more to it than I tend to think. God doesn't look at me and see a vegetated person but He sees my heart and what His plan for my life is. There is a plan! To be alive means so much more than how we tend to box it up into a cute little package and if we aren't doing the 12 things in the package then we are failing and useless. God is showing me that I need to throw away my box and stop sulking in my life circumstances and rest knowing He is God and He is in full control, I am just along for the ride.