EVERYTHING.

Today has been one of those days where I cry about ev.ery.thang. It's rather pathetic and ridiculous. Multiple times because I used to be really good at spelling and I have to look up the simplest words and let Google spell for me. Then there is the never ending shower thing. Also, because I didn't have the strength to dye my hair and it badly needs it. I can't put my clothes away. I almost fell over the air like 5 times and freaked out since a fall could kill me. Cried because I can't drive and I have lost almost all independence. waiting for my doctors to get meds to help my cognitive self leaves me in tears like every 5 minutes because I should have a brain, I used to have one. I have amazing doctors but I think they all need a Xanax today or something. I need a Xanax today too apparently. Song lyrics make me ball my malfunctioning eyeballs out. I woke up with calve pain and I may or may not be freaking due to possible blood clots. I fear my doctors won't agree on a plan to help me. I cry because this gets worse every single day and I am helpless. I can't think of a part of my body that isn't affected by the monster that has NO cure. and cry some more. Life is hard. My faith is beyond tired but I know where my help comes from. If you would have asked me that during my last sickness I would not be having it, in my mind God failed me. Through that I learned that um life without God is the MOST HOPELESS, DESPERATE, SAD, and LONELY place to be. He is my rock on days like today where hope is fading and I could not be anymore thankful for a God who SAVES. Here is a song lyric/prayer that goes so well with how I feel right now.





Should I just give up?
Lord, I need to hear You speak
Tell me I am loved
Tell me I am known
That You died for me
I am not alone
Tell me I'm Your child
The one Your heart beats for
I can find my strength
Knowing I am Yours
You've always known what my heart needs
And You tell me
You wrote Your name upon my heart
You knew me before my life began
You still have a plan
And when I'm starting to forget
Jesus, You tell me who I am
Who I am