new news. new fears.

I don't share every single symptom and trial within a trial because I would be whining and complaining and driving everyone crazy because NOBODY wants to hear about your health 24/7 and I don't even want to talk about my health 24/7. I have POTS but I am not POTS, I like to talk about normal stuff and what is happening in the lives of others. It shows me the world is not just me in my pity room.


I have a few things to share after speaking with my doctor that moved to the VA hospital and for free she gives me advice and Lord willing she can get somewhere with my docs here (I will explain that shortly)


 For months I have had severe joint pain that wakes me up in pure agony in the night and can last 5 minutes- 2 hours. The joints get sore from just walking as well. My reflexes have gone away except for my right arm, my muscles have become too loose so it's causing me to throw my back out, suddenly collapse and constant aching. I also have cognitive issues that just keep getting worse and worse. My voice slurs and has become even quieter than normal, I can't remember anything like we could be having a conversation and all of a sudden I forget what I was going to say or I forgot the topic of the entire conversation. I also forget conversations that occurred 5 minutes ago, I invert and jumble words and use the wrong word ALL THE TIME, all of this has made communication a very hard thing for me. I don't even like talking anymore because I will forget everything.


sooo my doctor said (and I quote)
" I think you have a severe case of the brain fog that goes along with autonomic dysfunction and the same thing  with the muscles, I recommend Adderall and b12 shots."


Well, this is where the problem arises and all I want to do is crawl in a corner and cry. My primary care doctor so refusing both of them. It is a controlled substance that must be hand given every month. She is in fort Leonard wood and everything she wants to do has to be orchestrated through my doctors here. I am now on a hunt to find out if I have a doc that would help and all I can do is pray one will agree to it and that the doc that wants to order this stuff will remember and be able to call around with my doctors so we can get treatment started asap.


The issue is that the longer I let it go the worse it is going to get and I really would like to keep my sanity. I'm frustrated, sad, concerned, and nervous. Overall I feel defeated and anything and everything is getting to me. I just want someone who will help me. These are doctors helping is what there job IS but in modern healthcare $$$ is more important. I just need as many prayers as possible that this would get worked out and for my emotional state because it is taking a major toll on it.