Tonight has sucked and all I can think about is how much I lost through this journey. I feel like I lost everything, our rental house, my job, my ability to walk, no more baths or showers due to standing in heat and it makes you pass out, the ability to go to the gym, and the only place my body is comfortable in is my bed which leads to isolation. So all of that is racing through my mind right now.
I just want this to be done. it's been a year and a whole lot of healing hasn't happened. I have a syndrome that will never go away and I am so overwhelmed by that alone. I know there are treatments in the sense that they treat the repercussions of my faulty nervous system but the nerves system itself cannot be changed. I will never be able to get my life back. ever. but my life will go on without the past and it will just look different. I have no clue what I will be able to do when the job word is mentioned. My doctors don't even say it so yeah this will never be done. NEVER BE DONE.
I believe that veryyyy slowly it will get a little better but it will never be gone. Thinking about my future is like thinking about holes. One giant hole of unknown and not even knowing if it can or will happen for me to get a job and resume normal daily life things. I know in my brain god is good and all for me and would never hinder me himself so I know He has a plan of some sort, it is just hard to trust Him and the plan.
I'm trying to live minute by minute right now and obviously as shown above its not happening.
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