The name of Jesus

I'm so glad God made people to create music. So much truth can be found in lyrics. This made it's way into my soul today, it describes exactly how I  have been feeling and gives me a truth to rest in.

"when my hopes and dreams are far from me and I'm running out of faith,

I see the future I pictured slowly fade away, 

 when the tears of pain and heartache are pouring down my face,

 I find my peace in Jesus name"

My life has changed so much since POTS worked it's way in. God is literally the only thing that didn't change. I struggle everyday with what my life is and will be and feeling like I have to give up on everything I hoped and dreamed because it isn't plausible with this illness. This is never what I would have seen or wanted in my future. It brings me to tears at least once a day and it is so hard to truly get to a place where I can say that this is okay and accept it with the knowledge that God is in control. The only way I can even begin to accept this and honestly say it is okay, Your will be done, is through God. I sure can't do it alone, I've tried, didn't work out so well. Even Jesus asked for a plan B, a way out of what He knew was to come but He surrendered it all. Surrender. Yeah that. Super hard.

Finding my peace in the name of Jesus is my battle goal. It is not to be found in my hopes, my dreams, my future, my past, my present or my cure. I know a lot of people with a chronic illness who live like they will only be okay if they can find a cure. The thing is, you are not guaranteed that in this life. I learned that a long time ago. You will never be content, or joyful, or peaceful in your entire life if that is the only thing you put your hope in. You can't be. You will be constantly chasing after everything you hear that could bring a cure regardless of how implausible or ridiculous it may be. I am not saying give up on a cure, I would never say that, what I AM saying is a cure cannot be your everything. You will only find disappointment and pain this way.

I am trying to reach the point where I can honestly say that I surrender this to the One who made and saved me. I am not there yet but I am working on it.  Just because I know what NOT to put my everything in does not mean that I don't do it. I fail. I battle, I fight God's will. Satan has tainted me and he is really good at  making life extremely difficult for us with the goal of tearing us away from God and the truth but when all is said and done I know who will win this, My God. That's who. We CAN find peace in the name of Jesus, it may not be easy but it is completely possible because by grace we have been saved. (and repeat. forever.)