I don't always feel the strength of God walking me through this. I am not always smiling. I am not always tough. I don't always lean on God. I try to take this on by myself. I feel like giving up sometimes. I usually don't post anything about this but I am human and I struggle just like everyone else in this world so why should I "hide" these hard times? My reality hits me like a train. I feel so empty and broken. Can't this be just a nightmare that I can wake up from? Is this really something I will battle for my whole earthly life? Am I really sick enough to have tubes coming out of my body? Do I really have something with no cure? I can't even. This reality just hits hard. I'm only 24. God what are we doing here? I have so many questions without answers.
God, you have to drag me through this since you allowed it. Right now my glimmer of hope comes from the head knowledge, to know that He is still in control and always will be. I cling to the fact that one day I will hear Him say it's over now. Cured. Done. forever. eternity. My heart doesn't feel like its still in this fight but my brain is full of the pure facts about Jesus and I know He has this all in His hands. Even when I don't feel, I KNOW. I KNOW.
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