update (or lack thereof)

My doctor's office called yesterday and I am not getting very far. The only consensus is that none of my current doctor's know what to do besides sending me to someone else. The good old doctor hopping, hot potato strategy. I am really just floating along in this waiting game. My doctor is trying to reach my old doctor for recommendations but that divine miracle of accomplishing it hasn't occurred yet. I have been told it might be someone at SLU.

Really, I feel beyond frustrated. This scenario feels like a repeat of what I went through in high school. I have a lot of respect for doctors, I worked for them, I have been a patient of a billion of them, but in the end they really are just super smart HUMANS. They don't know everything. God is the only one who knows all. Humans will fail and be clueless and this is where I stand...again...clueless land. It's really a depressing place to be and at times it can feel hopeless and always leaves you feeling lost. I stalled on writing this because well words. Words are hard. I haven't really wrapped my brain around where I am and what I am doing right now besides the fact that I don't want to be here. This can't be happening again, right?! wrong. The minute I begin trying to let it sink in, I fall apart. I have been staring at this for 10 minutes now and have not come up with anything else to say besides I am going to re-write my testimony because I have to prove to myself that God brought me through this once and He can do it again. In His timing. Let THAT sink in instead.