ok days

Don't get me wrong I am so very grateful for an ok day today but in a way ok days are the hardest. I feel good enough to realize how much my life has changed. I never imagined I would be back in a medical crisis again but God has other plans. I don't understand them but I trust the one who gave me life to begin with. Emotionally, ok days give me a chance to really realize how much I have lost and how I got to this point in life. I'm not going to sugar coat it, it has been a long, hard journey thus far and it is far from over and I just want to be done.I have lost so many years of my life and some of the best years included and I want to be a productive member of society and work again and enjoy my 20's, not spend them going back and forth to and from hospitals. I want to live not just exist. For now, I have to surrender to what I want and let God lead in my life no matter how hard that is because looking back doesn't change anything so forward I go with some nights filled with tears for what my life has become and hope for what God has in store for me and how He will use this time in my life to glorify bring himself glory. One foot in front of the other I go.