uhh what?

Sometimes I just find myself praying to God and asking "what are you doing here?". I just don't get it. I don't ask why because well why not but I do struggle with what His plan in all of this is because all I can see is I lost my job and it's unknown if or when I will be able to work again, I'm loosing my rental house and forced back into my parents for an unknown amount of time, I've lost my freedom to drive and really just kind of lost my freedom in general. Ummm God, what are we doing?! I am pretty sure this is going the opposite direction in life and we might just want to flip it around. My little human perspective can't see beyond this and even pondering the future is near impossible because it is really just a black hole to where I can't even take an educated guess. Everything leaves me asking what. What are you doing with my life?! I sure don't know but fortunately we both aren't clueless and You know exactly what you are doing even though it seems wrong to me. Trusting God has always been a struggle and this new trial is no exception, I still don't understand, I still doubt at times, I still get frustrated and try to push God away, nothing in my sinful nature has changed since I have faced all of my past trials but what I have done is learned from the past, now I know Your plan for me is flawless and I can fight it or accept it and accepting it is so much easier. "My heart and flesh may fail The earth below give way But with my eyes, with my eyes I'll see the Lord Lifted high on that day Behold, the Lamb that was slain And I'll know every tear was worth it all"