I am so fed up with this disease. If I didn't have God I would have given up a long time ago because it feels too hard to keep going and it is outside of God. I am overwhelmed, confused, exhausted, weak, frustrated and grasping for hope. Thankfully God knows when I need hope and shows me that He has a purpose in everything even though I don't understand it.
Under my renewed hope is a battle, one that I did not sign up for and one I am not thrilled by. I don't know what to do with myself anymore and my doctor said there is nothing I can do besides what I am currently doing. Although, when I called to tell her how bad my symptoms have been the last couple of days where I almost pass out 6 times and I lost my hearing only to have it return in the form of swooshing the response I got was "well, lay in bed since you are dizzy but don't lay in bed all day". Ahem. uhhh what?! regardless, I have remained in bed due to my malnutrition, weakness, and dizzy spells because blood thinners and passing out don't mix well.
My body has gone psychotic and woke me up at 5:15 with pain in every muscle of my body and in my ear cartilage (super weird) and I am shaky and nauseated and weak and dizzy, all grand things to wake up to. So, now I am doing a bag of fluids to see if it might help. This road is never ending and I feel like I am just waiting for the next ball to drop and have something more serious occur. My strength is depleted but throughout my whole life God has shown He is really in control, not doctors, not me, Him so onward I go, I just wish it wasn't at 5am!
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