Title continued: up down spin around go down get back up get knocked down give up to last resort get back up after a phone call and then more waiting. Which is really what this has all been since the 18th of this month it will be 3 months since my seizure and not a whole lot on the treatment scale has occurred.
I haven't updated much because really the roller coaster of my life has been so insane that I cannot even update on it. The confusion that I have felt in this last week has left my brain in a half working state. I work in the healthcare field and love what I do and I always try to do whatever I can got my patients but man being on the patient side sucks! I know God is showing me that He is really here because every little thing I have been freaking out about or been upset because of how it ended has shortly there after been the best thing that could have occurred and in the way it did. Trust is so so so hard the longer this goes the more ups and downs I feel the more my female emotional highs get destroyed and then built back up and then destroyed the more upset I get and want to give up and literally become a part of my couch for the rest of my life.
God has shown me so may times recently how he is working things out but I am still getting upset and heartbroken with each bad scenario that in His choosing thus far H e has decided to turn to perfect scenarios and in order to create it the bad one had to be thrown on too. Basically, I have been punch by the lord a good 20 times recently and although they have me thinking my emotional state and my trust issues barely gte better. I can sit and explain everything he did along the way and map it out and say how awesome it is but when the next thing hits those shakey feelings come baxk. I am not entirely sure if it is sinful to have those feelings in the first place but more so what I do with them. Becoming the couch is an obvious no no but if I add them to my map of figuring out how God will orechestrate people from heaven until that moment is over and I can see why it happened I just don't is the initial thoughts are sinful. People more Biblical than me care to answer???!!
So that's enough of that too many issues to explain so yesterday I had my good old IV pole delivered to me a long with a pump, heparin, saline flushes, alcohol prep pads, sterile dressing changes, and about 6 full bags of IV fluids. Due to issues I refuse to go into at the moment today at 1:00 I will have a nurse come in and put in a normal IV in me that can actually stay in up to 3 weeks before it needs changed. Please pray with everything you can that she will be able to get one in my veins are some of the worst but fortunately for her from so many IV's in my life I have very little feeling deep in my arms where needles go so she doesn't have to be so scared of the process. It is ALWAYS a 4-8 try process no matter what so please pray for this poor nurse who will be taking care of me and trying to find access because they never seem to believe me when I say just keep trying as many times as possible until we get it cause you aren't hurting me but it freaks them out. I will next explain the PICC mess on a different post another day.
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