autobiography

I knew when I began writing my story that it would be hard due to everything that has happened and to put it in book terms but what I am finding more difficult is having to go back and "re-live" my past. Even though it is over with and so far in my past it is still fresh in my mind like yesterday. Re-living each day, step, procedure, time in ICU or surgery is proving itself to be more difficult than I expected. I thought I had made peace with the past and everything that God brought me through but apparently it is still an open wound that I avoided and pushed so far back in my brain that I never really faced it since getting better. I am now forced to face it and wow it was so hard and the thought then was that it would never end and I would be like that forever is the conclusion that I had come to. I pushed God away and made my way through a two year battle that I would never wish on my worst enemy without total help from God. This is going to take awhile to write because as one writes they re-live the events and it brings them all to the front of your memory to be dealt with. This will be a journey but one that I am finally ready to face.