depression

Depression has a way of being sneaky and then coming out of no where to strike. I hesitated to make this post because it is so personal, blunt and real but then I realized that is what believers should be doing in the first place.(despite anything I say I am NOT suicidal)no happy face boxes going on over here.

Depression has been attacking me all day long and is slowly breaking me. I want this to be cured, my symptoms to go away, my pills to go away and basically everything related to POTS to just disappear. I long to be In heaven with such desperation and to finally get a fully functional body. I want Jesus to come back RIGHT NOW. I'm beyond overwhelmed right now with this life/existence I am currently in that I just want to cave in and give up on everything. I am so tired of trying to make it through each day. It is the same suffering as the day before and will continue until God says it's over.

I feel lost with no desire to do anything at all and I am struggling to reach out to God and let Him take over without me taking it right back. I know God has and will continue to give me the strength I need to make it through each day even if I am dragged along or must be carried; He will be here. He will be here in my doubt, pain, hopelessness, sadness, and the moments of joy that come up suddenly. I don't feel God here at all right now and it is kind of a scary feeling but I know He is listening and will be there to catch me if I fall and will give me whatever is needed to conquer my doubt, pain, hopelessness, and sadness. He will be with me in those rare moments where I find joy and He uses those to carry me through to the next day.

I am struggling a lot right now mentally so please pray for the peace that surpasses all understanding.