struggling

I woke up today not feeling well at all with a temp of 99.8 and feeling very short of breath. My O2 drops to 85% sometimes and my heart rate shoots up to 150 when I walk but returns to semi-normal after I sit awhile. Therefore there is a good chance that the oral antibiotics aren't working considering the last 2 days weren't this bad. My pulmonologist said that as long as when I'm laying down and my oxygen stays above 90% I can wait till tomorrow morning for him to call home health out to do walking tests with me to see if my O2 drops, if it does I will be on home oxygen and if I have a fever I will probably be put on IV antibiotics. So, obviously I am going the wrong direction which is sucky.
on a different note, I have been asked on a number of occasions lately if I ever ask why me. I always have a moment of reflecting with it because until it is brought up it never even crosses my mind. I don't ask why me because I wouldn't want anyone else to have it for one but also it is the hand I've been dealt and we all get dealt a hand and this is it. It is a waste of time to sit and contemplate why me because God is not required to give me an answer and it brings more hurt and wastes time waiting and thinking about something that doesn't really matter anymore.
I will say I am very tired of fighting and have cried out and contemplated why the journey has to be so difficult and how done I am and why nothing can go right and the exhaustion of it but why me? No.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXDGE_lRI0E&sns